simply amy: Things take time.....but a talk with a good friend can help

Sunday, 25 October 2009

Things take time.....but a talk with a good friend can help

I have been home from Mexico for 3 months now. Such a short amount of time, yet it feels like an eternity. I hate it the way time does that.

The 3 months have home have not been easy, and it's not showing any signs of getting easier anytime soon. I have really hated being here in England, and am struggling to settle in. I miss people in Mexico so much, and sometimes I feel like I can't survive without some of them.

I have found it really hard to be the person here that I was in Mexico. It brought out the best in me, and it has been hard transferring it back home, and have felt at times like I have slipped back into being the person I was before I left for Mexico, and I have hated it.

This past week especially been pretty tough; but today I went for lunch with a dear friend of mine, who sympathised and understood where I was coming from. She listened and let me talk, and then administered me with some tough love. And what she was saying didn't actually hurt. Yes, some of it was uncomfortable to hear because the the truth always is, but other than I accepted what she said. Maybe because I was ready to hear it now?

I think it also helped knowing that she knew exactly where it was coming from.

What she said to me clicked. And it all seemed to finally get through to me and make sense. I went home having a lot to think and pray about, and God spoke to me and I'm finally starting to understand things.

Yes I miss Mexico, lots, and I think I will always miss it and miss the people, yes, I believe that it is ok if a part of me always misses Mexico and longs to be there. A piece of my heart will always belong to that place. But as long as I don't let the missing it hold me back from what my God has in store for me, then it's ok.

God has been confirming to me that not only Mexico, but missions in general is who I am and who He has called me to be; and right now I know that He has me at school in England for a reason, and that if I am meant to go back to Mexico, then I will have the same passion for it in 4 years time as I do now.

I miss it so much. And I've only been home 3 months. I need to give my self more time to settle in.

If I'm completely honest, right now I am hurting. I feel let down by important people in my life, and it hurts not knowing where I fit in or what's expected of me.

One thing I'm sure of is that the next year will be filled with ups and downs as I try to fully adjust; but for the first time in 3 months since being home, I am starting to feel better and happier than I have done since leaving Mexico.

Right now I'm hurting. I miss Mexico. I miss everyone. I'm struggling being here in England. But I know that I am here for a reason, and that God has something big in store for me.

And things are getting better. Slowly, but they are getting better.

1 comment:

Maureen O'Connor28 October 2009 at 11:40
You have a blog too! I like it.

I totally get the whole realizing that it's okay to hurt and miss it. My heart still aches daily. But what you said about the passion being there now and in 4 years is so reassuring. God has completly proven to me His faithfulness in my calling. My calling to Maz ended. Ouch. But He ended it to bring about so much more! The bigger picture is coming, Amy! Get excited!!

Love you and miss you too!
-Maureen
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The story behind the picture.... ->

....The picture of me and the little boy (to the far right) is, I have to say, fast becoming one of my favourite pictures!
I met him when I was on outreach in Mexico City (for my DTS)His name is Andreas. He is 5 years old. He lives on the street with his mom (who can't be any more than a couple of years older than me), and his two younger brothers.
Their house is a blanket. Seriously. A holy blanket tied at one end to a pole, and weighed down at the other end with stones. They sleep on newspaper. Their blanket is on an island in the middle of a busy Mexico City road. To top it all off, Andreas and his brothers live surrounded by other teenage kids who are on drugs. They look out for Andreas, and he looks up to them. You can see where that will lead. I just want to take him home with me and give him a chance at another life, away from that of drugs and poverty. Ever since I met these street kids, they have been on mind, especially Andreas. He doesn't know what he is missing out on and what he doesn't have, but despite his circumstance, I have never seen such an innocence and joy in a kid as I did in this one.For me he sums up what Jesus said in Matthew 19:14 "Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these"He was so full of life and laughter. He loved spending time with us - he even insisted on praying with us even though he didn't understand. He sat in one of the boy's lap, and listened intently as bits of the prayer were translated for him. Then when one of the older kids feared we were getting to close to him, she came and led him away. Influence. The language barrier made no difference as I played chase with him, and spun him around, and watched the big grin spread across his face. He loved my camera and having pictures taken. Out of all the kids I have met, I have remembered his name and his face.