Unconditional love.

Unconditional :: not subject to any conditions;

wholehearted, unqualified, unlimited, unquestioning, complete, total, absolute

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

It's possible that I've written this all before, but it's only because I am totally captured by unconditional love - what it is, how Jesus showed us this love, and how we need to show this love to others. The verses above are from 1 Corinthians 13, some of my favourite verses in the bible. I love the description of what love is (we have a plaque of this in our bathroom, and I make a point of reading it every time I am in there), and I love how it says that love is the greatest.

Just recently I was reading a book called "When God Writes Your Love Story", an incredible book, and through it God opened my eyes and challenged me. I have been single since the day I was born, and it is now something that I am very thankful for, as I have had no heartache and have had the chance to have a love story with my Father in Heaven. Through reading the book God challenged me to start loving unconditionally - family and friends, and most importantly, my future husband. I know some people think I am crazy, but I can honestly say that God has started giving me such a love for the man that I do not yet know; and I am now determined to stay single until I meet him. Why? Because I want to be faithful to him and I want to give him my all. I also want to spend these single years working on my character, letting God prepare me for an important relationship, and spend more time getting to know the heart of God. I read this great quote once (can't remember where, or who said it) and it went something like this "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man should have to seek Him first in order to find her."

That's pretty awesome. And I want that! Sure it is hard, and God constantly has to help me, because like others, I do have a natural desire to be in a relationship, to have a family, to have that companionship; but I have come to the conclusion (which God always has to remind me of) that I would rather be single my entire life and devote every day and year to God rather than be in a string of relationships that don't work out.

That's my thoughts anyway.

That surreal feeling.

The first day that I landed in Mazatlan now seems like an eternity ago. It is so surreal to think back over that arrival and those events, and know that it seems like an age ago. Which, in reality, it was.

Time has flown....

I can't believe that this time a year ago I was in Mazatlan, Mexico ready to begin my DTS!!! Wow. The time has flown by.

It has now been six months since I graduated my DTS. How crazy is that! I think we are all finding it hard to believe.

5 months and 13 days until I am back in Mazatlan seeing everyone again! :-)

Which also means that I only have 5 months and 13 days left until I have finished my university year!!

Is wrong right, and right wrong?

You ever felt like you were doing something which you thought was the right thing to do, but then you weren't so sure? And you tried to convince yourself that it was the right thing, but it never felt like it?

I'm at school right now doing this spanish and business course, and I'm sure it's the right thing, the thing that God wants me to do. But then I'm not so sure.

My passion is theatre, and writing. Theatre and acting makes me come alive. And God has given me such a talent for it, that I want to use it!

But in Mexico I believed that He was asking me to give up acting, and give it to him for a while. Not sure if that while is over yet. And although I'm not hating school, and it doesn't feel like the wrong thing, it doesn't exactly feel like the right thing either. I go along with it, and then there are times when I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Cause I know that just because I'm doing the right thing doesn't mean that it will be easy, but at the same time, God wouldn't want us to do something that we don't enjoy. Right? And He gives us talents to be used for His glory, so He would want me to use my acting/writing talents? So then I am doing the wrong thing by doing this course? Is it what HE wants me to do? Or is it ok if I pursue my love of acting?

I grew up hearing God's voice so clearly, and I heard him closer than ever before when I was in Mexico, but now that I'm back home in England, I just don't seem to hear His voice. I just want direction to know if I am doing the right thing or not.

Everytime I see a theatre production (which is often cause of my mom being a voice coach and working at a theatre school) something inside me snaps and I just want to be acting, and then I think am I doing the right thing?!

Because what if I'm not? What if I'm doing the wrong thing yet I keep on doing it because I think it's the right thing? What if I become so consumed with doing the right thing that I miss it completely!

Or is it just a case of I am at point A, God wants to take me to point B, but before I get to point B, He is going to take me to point C,D,E,F and G, before I get to B?

I feel so desperate at times. I was sure God led me to this point, and then I don't know. What if I am wasting this time in my life just because I am following what I thought God said, or what I thought God wanted, when in actual fact what God wants is what I want.