Update...

This is just an update of what I have been up to and a few thoughts.

So I have started university (college/school for my Americans and Canadians. I love you). Right now it is just Freshers Week, which if you ask me, is a bit pointless.

Not much to do from my point of view. Unless you count the partying and drinking, which really, I don't. It's not my scene and it's not a place I want to be.

Then there's the Freshers Fair where you walk around this room with a hundred other people, like sardines in a tin, and you grab and get given as many pointless freebies as you can manage - free membership to a bar; a blow-up snooker ball (which my dog attacked); a pink pig raising swine flu awareness (which my dog stole); countless pens; piles of paper (ended up in the paper waste); and various other objects.

Oh, and apparently the freebies last year were better. Great.

We have had stupid induction lectures which have included us being given a tour of the library ("this is the library where the books are, and this is the library catalogue". Yes thanks, I know how to use a library).

We've had hours of free time with not a lot to do (there is a limit to the number of times you can go around Freshers Fair you know; at the end of the day you don't want 50 pens and boxes of flyers and brochures!); and introduction talks to our lectures where we have been given half or quarter timetables and then we have had the joy of piecing it together and trying to work out what goes where. Mmm. Fun. Not really.

I'm hoping that it will get better. I know that it is only early days, but it's not too good right now. I'm really struggling to connect with the people on my course. I kinda feel like I am a) invisible or b) a tag along.

Cliques are already starting to form, and I'm not apart of any of them. I just tend to flit between them.

I had such a longing for Mexico and the base and everyone today. I just seemed to fit in there.

Plus side. I get to come home at the end of each day and see my family and my dog. God knew what he was doing when He created dogs - He knew people would need a wagging tail to cheer them up.

Another plus side. I've met people from the Christian Union, and they are awesome! Seriously. It's a really active CU and they do a lot of things in the uni and the city. They have prayer times every week, and meet every week.

I am looking so forward to being apart of it, and to hang out them and God, and have that Christian fellowship.

They really are too cool.

I miss Mexico. A lot. I miss the people. I miss the place. I miss what I did out there. I just feel that I don't do anything now that I am back home. I don't feel like I am using the full potential that God has given me.

I am trying so hard to cling onto whatHe gave me out there. I don't want to slip back into old habits. It's hard. I hate the thought that I am not being all that God wants me to be.

He gave me an opportunity on the weekend to talk about Him with someone I have been praying for for a while, and try as I might I could not grasp the opportunity. Every time I tried to grab it, it slipped out of my hands. It broke my heart.

I know that He is the only one who knows what these next four years of school holds for me, and what will come after that; and I do take comfort from that, but at the same it is hard because fear and doubts creep up, and I wonder if I am still on His path

One thing I have realised - I tend to ramble and repeat things when I am tired and should be in bed. So I am going to sign out and put my head on my pillow, and I will write again when I know that I can make more sense.

God, be in charge of my sleep and my dreams, and speak to me. Let my heart listen for you even when I sleep.